After terrifying his parents with “dark” thoughts a desperate Sundowner runs out of options and considers ECT
Feel suicidal if not on 2mg V « on: Today at 09:22:04 pm »
Sundowner
Hi BBs,
I have so many questions, it is hard to know where to start.
Firstly, has anyone been successful in having ECT (shock treatment) to assist with withdrawal?
I cannot tolerate anti-depressants and I’m running out of options.
My psych doctor denies that I am suffering from a withdrawal syndrome and says that I am just mentally ill.
I had to reinstate on 2mg of V a day a few weeks ago because my suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, breathing problems, insommia and depression were causing enormous suffering for my parents. I felt very guilty that at the age of 33 and living at home with my parents, I was having a nervous breakdown. My parents were refusing to fly to London over Xmas to see the birth of my sister’s baby because they thought I’d kill myself here. So I started taking the 2mg so I would be able to fly with my folks. Initally the 2mg of Valium felt a bit too good, so I tried to come down to 1.75mg of V but then felt suicidal again so now I’ve reinstated the 2mg of Valium. My p doc’s input on all this was that he is worried I will get addicted to the 2mg of V if I take it every night! Any thoughts out there?
Thank you in advance!
Sun
5 years on 1mg/day Klonopin. Prescribed to treat CFS-- go figure!! Jumped from 0.125mg Klonopin 19 September, 2012 Starting a micro taper using Valium 14 November, 2012 Cog Fog, Fatigue, Anxiety, Depression, pain, Blepharitis, flu-like symptoms. Cymbalta and Valdoxan Fail-safe diet.
Re: Feel suicidal if not on 2mg V « Reply #1 on: Today at 09:34:28 pm »
pianogirl
Hi Sun,
You did what you had to do, your personal safety is of utmost importance. Did your doctor address your suicidal feelings? I think it would be important to get some therapy and counselling about this. Suicidal thoughts can be common during withdrawal but it is vital to get some help to deal with them. I wish your doctor would help in that regards.
Your parents sound like wonderful people. If it were me, I would take the trip and enjoy the time with your family and the special occasion of the birth of your sister’s baby. After you return you can try to deal with the valium and possibly some face to face contact with a professional to help you manage these feelings of self harm.
You know, there are many healthy 30some year olds still living at home. The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself and allow your body to heal. That will then be the time for you to embark on an independent life. I wish you the best.
pianogirl
Misdiagnosed with labrynthitis, given Ativan. Took it for approx 5 weeks, very ill when stopped due to notknowing about dependency and withdrawal. Given Klonopin Nov. 2008 as well as many different ssri's that I couldn't tolerate. The doseage was around .5 mg twice a day.Could not taper from clonazepam. CO'd to valium Oct. 2010, 1mg. 3 times a day. Completed taper June 11, 2011. About me and my role on the BenzoBuddies Team. Please read this message before sending me a PM
Re: Feel suicidal if not on 2mg V « Reply #2 on: Today at 10:02:05 pm »
parker
Hey Sun,
Did you ever try Remeron? The reason I ask is because I cannot tolerate any of the typical A/D’s at ALL. I tried them in succession before I was put on benzos. I reacted to all of them horribly. Lexapro, Zoloft, Prozac, and Cymbalta – each one of these I only took one pill – Cymbalta finally sent me to the ER. This was all when I had postpartum anxiety after the birth of my son. They were all awful for me. That’s when they put me on the Klonopin.
Long story short, I was deathly afraid of a/d’s when I went to jump off benzos over a year ago. But my symptoms were awful awful from benzo withdrawal – suicidal awful – and I was going to be reinstated by the doctor out of desperation. The psych doc just didn’t know what to do. My regular doc stepped in and gave me 15mg of Remeron – and said to go right home and take the first one. Well – I did. It was either that or reinstate. I had been throwing up for a week, couldnt’ even keep water down. My heart rate was dangerous and I couldn’t sleep at all. On top of this, I had horrible dr/dp, depression – I was failing. I took that one Remeron and ate a 12 inch sub sandwich about an hour later. It was a miracle almost. I took another one that night at his direction and slept 10 hours. I stayed on it for 3 months then started tapering it as I healed. Long story short, I tapered all the way down to nothing and it helped me tremendously in withdrawal because it was sedating. It never revved me.
I only share this because it was just what I needed to make it off the benzos and to stay off them. I’ll never regret having it as a tool.
Either way, just wanted you to have some input considering you are asking about ECT and the fact that you were mentioning that you had a tough time with a/d’s.
:)Parker
1 year at .5mg of Klonopin and Ambien 10mg. Tried a 4 month slow crossover to valium and slow taper. Symptoms too strong and I reinstated lower dose of K after one month off. Another 9 months at .375mg of Klonopin and Ambien 10mg. This time I went to detox - rapid valium taper in12 days. Benzo free 10/3/11 Remeron from time of jump until month 10. Remeron helped me through it and now I'm done. Healing occured all along! Romans 8:24 We are saved by trusting. And trusting means looking forward to something we don't yet have. For a man who already has something doesnt need to trust and hope that he will get it. But if we must keep trusting God for something that hasnt happened yet, it teaches us to wait patiently and confidently
Re: Feel suicidal if not on 2mg V « Reply #3 on: Today at 10:24:01 pm »
sweet g
Hello there,
I am really sorry to hear that you have been feeling so badly. Valium/benzo withdrawal is a very real thing and I am sorry to hear that your doctor did not take it seriously.
2mg is a pretty small dose, so if you are feeling well on it, then you are doing well. Suidical thoughts are a very ugly symptom, and I would suggest either holding your dose until you stabilize, or if you made your last cut within the last week, you may experience some relief from updosing (though it doesn’t always provide relief so you may wish to start a thread seeking advice on that speifically if you find yourself considering it).
I had semi-suicidal thoughts when I didn’t know I was in benzo withdrawal a few years before I made the deliberate decision to get off (and suddenly started recognizing symptoms and realizing what had been happening to me in the past).
In my case, I was suffering from just totally crushing depression. Someone I had really loved had died unexpectedly, I was injured in a wreck, and I had a difficult work and living situation. Normal me would have just figured out what I needed to do to improve the situation, but withdrawal me just shut down and I kept having all of these scary “life would be easier if I were dead” thoughts that upset me all the more.
I am happy to say that I worked me way through it and went on to become the happiest I have ever been in my life. Depression is an ugly trick that makes you think that that state is “reality” and that it is what you will be feeling for the rest of your life and tries to interfere with your taking any meaningful action to eliminate these horrible feelings.
All I can say is that it is a trick- so don’t fall for it! Depression is temporary, and life is full of happiness. Also, what is great is that there is such a logical reason for feeling the way you do- benzo withdrawal absolutely can cause horrible depression and suicidal thoughts. You are not broken, and you are not crazy.
What is absolutely the best part of all of this is that where there is an explanation, there is a solution. I think that once your withdrawal stabilizes, you will find yourself feeling much better, and that when you are out of withdrawal altogether you will feel wonderful.
I have to say that in experiencing how happy I am now, it rattles me to think of all of those suicidal thoughts I was having. There was never any danger of my acting on it, but even thinking it was too close for comfort when I see what I have now and would have missed out on.
Speaking to you as I would to myself if I could go back in time I would say, “hang in there. There is a reason you feel bad and a solution to your problem. Stick around, because things are going to get so damn cool, again.”
Best wishes.
Re: Feel suicidal if not on 2mg V « Reply #4 on: Today at 10:49:54 pm »
FloridaGuy
Don’t feel bad.
At least we have that option. I would be in bad shape right now if I weren’t able to ride out the last of my recovery here.
There will be plenty of time to pay everyone back once you get things back on track.
4 yrs 1mg clonazepam for anxiety Continued med for sleep Depression hit 18-24 months Decided to rapid taper 2-3 months Depression worsened Last dose of clonazepam Jan 2011 Severe acute phase 2-3 months off, deep depression, severe anxiety and paranoia, agitation, obsessive thoughts, derealization, headaches, dental pain, night sweats, etc. Began experiencing "windows" March 2011 Turned a big corner at 5 months off Stable months 6-7, a few windows, one major wave 8 months off, cognitive issues remain 12.5 months off motivation is returning, cognitive issues are improving 14 months longer windows shorter waves, baseline stable and improving 19 months only moderate cognitive issues remain 20 months more waves but baseline continues to improve
lucke59man 